Something of value

For most of my life I have been involved with people and groups of people who have as at least part of their purpose to contribute something of value to our world. It all started when I was six or seven years old when I was convinced by my father that I needed to be a cub scout. From there, it was the altar boys and Boy scouts and so on and so on and so on. Before I knew it, I was hooked on the principle that the more you do, the more you're worth. Don't get me wrong, I loved the activity and when things went right, the acclaim. I got so good at doing good things that my friends and family were sure I would end up a priest or a minister. And they were right.



In the early 80's, I left a promising career as a commercial photographer to pastor a small, I mean small, church in the university district of Seattle. No one forced me to make the change. If anything, most people thought I was delusional. I wasn't crazy. I wasn't deceived. What I was was lonely and becomming desperate for the key that had eluded me my entire life. The key to the door that led to being a person of value. I needed to have something in me that could impact something in others.



Keep in mind that I was a pastor and I loved the job. But I also loved photography and writing music and being with my wife and kids. You would think I had everything I could ever need. I had a great relationship with God. He always came through and when I messed up, He helped me to clean up the mess and did so with great love. What I couldn't get a hold of was that all the things I loved in my life and all the love I knew from the Lord were mine not because I had worked out how to get them. No. They were free gifts from a loving father and as such I had no control over them. I was completely dependant upon the character and the love of God for everything. This also meant that I was completely out of control.



I didn't know this then. It took me 20 years to get my head out of the fog and even now I am far too easily distracted by the things of life so as to get caught up in the do this and you'll be loved trick. I've done this and it didn't get me more love. Nor did it take love away. Love from God is ours because He is love and He decided to love me regardless of what I do or don't do.



And in that I stand free and at peace.